Caring for a loved one or close friend can be extremely stressful. But, it can be stressful being on the receiving end of the care spectrum as well.
By Cheryl Patterson
“There was a time when I gave the care in the family. I was the one on whom everyone depended. Now the roles have been reversed, and I have to swallow my pride, give up a little independence, and accept that things have changed.”
Caregiving is a stressful role to take on. The challenges of trying to be there for loved ones, at a cost to one’s own health, are great. There are feelings of frustration and isolation, physical exhaustion, time constraints and a lack of freedom to engage in your own life – and plenty of guilt if you do.
At the other end of the spectrum is a person who once gave care, too. They were caregivers themselves and had people depending on them. They were independent, physically able, engaged in life – with a sense of purpose and meaning of their own. So what does it feel like to have to switch roles from giving care to receiving it?
If you asked 80-year-old Jim Reynolds (not his real name), who is grateful for his residential independence but who now deals with the mobility restrictions that go along with being confined to a wheelchair, he’d tell you that the biggest challenge of having to depend on others for help is the effect on one’s sense of pride.
According to Jim, it’s difficult asking people for help because of “being too proud.” And he doesn’t want to appear needy either. “It’s hard to accept help with things that you’re used to being able to do on your own,” he adds.
And even though Jim needs the help, he sometimes hesitates to ask because he knows that friends and loved ones are busy with their own lives, and he doesn’t want to impose. He has even turned down offered and needed help with some home support services because he doesn’t want to be a bother.
According to the Public Health Agency of Canada (PHAC), many seniors experience emotions about receiving care. “They include feelings of loneliness, isolation, tension or worry, anxiety about becoming dependent on others.”
It’s can also be difficult adapting to the norms of an
ever-changing world. The ideas of someone who grew up or started raising a family during the Depression will not be the same as those of the ‘baby boomers’ or those raised in the 1950s.
There is a generation gap between parents and children, and there are differences of opinions, values, habits, likes and dislikes between caregivers and receivers. Those differences need to be respected, and a little empathy can help a lot.
We’re all getting older and will likely be in need of help at some point in our lives. If we switch roles for a moment, and think about what it might be like – to go from the freedom of independence to needing help – we might have a little more understanding about the receiving end of the spectrum.
“As we live longer, the chances grow that we will some day need help caring for ourselves,” says the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA). “Growing older is an experience we all share and many of us worry about. As we age, we face many changes and many sources of stress - we are not as strong as we used to be, illness is more of a problem, children move away from home, people we love die, we may become lonely, and eventually we must give up our jobs and retire.”
Many challenges come with aging. However, the challenge of having to swallow one’s pride and be cared for, after years of independence and caring for others, can be especially difficult. A little compassion, regardless of our age or circumstances, can go a long way.
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